and you just give yourself away

i sat on my sofa there looking down into this book and began to wonder.. is art is dying a slow death. … maybe. maybe not, but it’s changing. because of how artists and people are living these days. with all these distractions and cellphones and internet and email and all that ….the empty canvas and the open mind have a lot to compete with.  this was all just thoughts, but  a few hours ago, I got real confused and scared because I started feel real isolated in this world and don’t really understand art at all and the living people wanting it. and i got to thinking about how long it has been that i have seen a piece of art that expresses something true and wasn’t manufactured simply just to be sold. And i missed it. i got sad and wondered how long it has been since i have heard someone sing a song and been affected by how real it was. and how new the ideas were. and how hard it was to understand where that artist was coming from, but i could see the light in there. and i was gone. and still it was easy for me to think that nobody really completely understands art at all anyway. not even the artist, and art isn’t even really created for that purpose anyhow. it’s the mystery that binds us.  and then I waited, trying not to be tormented by the thoughts and all the words going around in my head because i can’t breath very well when I’m trying to figure why people have become so insensitive to art, …even the artist themselves.

but I was just sitting there and I got to thinking all this and that i am trying to find that moment when i dull my mind into creation and exist momentarily in breath without the need to check a telephone or answer an email. and I started to think that that’s where art has changed. that need to check, that need for something else. that’s what’s changed. I could only tell myself then,… don’t live in check.  check is moments before checkmate. check is the moment of unrighteous holding when your consciousness mind is not working for you because it is working against something else. some other forces of distraction.  cause in check you answer someone else’s needs and not your own. and i told myself to not live in check, even though I already know this. but I had to remind myself over and over as I sat there on my sofa, blown away, reading a memoir about the 1960s Greenwich village streets. and I’m lost in it.. and you’re just giving yourself away. goodbye art.